Monday, January 19, 2015

Run!

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If you do nothing else, run!

I had so many thoughts during my 25 minute run today but the one above stood out. Just run. And as I was running up this big hill near my gym I reminded myself that there was a time when I wouldn't have been able to walk up that hill, let alone run. Keep things in perspective, that's the point.

After the run I went into the gym and did a random mix of strength training - fifteen pushups here, ten decline crunches there - for 20 minutes or so before returning home.

I had to give myself a strong nudge to exercise today, and when it was over I was so glad I had. I really needed that run. I really needed to be reminded that I am stronger than I was.

Eating is as eating is...for now. I'm being patient, kind, compassionate and thoughtful with myself. I know I'm a bit astray, but I'm not lost.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Writing to Write

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I'm writing because I told myself I would. And sometimes that's as good a reason as any.

Last night I hosted a good friend's 30th birthday gathering. We had a great time and there was wine and appetizers and the after-party cocktails. Very fun. Fortunately I didn't overdo the alcohol and felt fine this morning.

Today was a lazy day at home with the kids. We hung around the house most of the day and then I managed to run a few errands this afternoon. The day seemed to slide downhill though, in terms of my mood anyway. A buildup of stress. Tomorrow is a busy day and I have a lot to focus on.

No exercise today but I will do my very best to get some tomorrow, I'm going to need it. Eating remains imperfect bordering on downright disastrous at times but I'm striving to be kind, caring and patient with myself.

I'll close with a bit of song lyric that really struck me anew today..."I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now." Yep, I can relate.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

A Thousand Titles

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I don't have any explanations, no apologies or promises to change. And, lucky for you, I won't try and summarize the six weeks of my absence. I'll just start now. Because now is the time, this is it, there is no other time. I'm not trying to be super mindfulness zen girl on you, but I realized today that it's easier to start if you start where you are, instead of trying to go back to where you left off and start there.

My A Thousand Titles title of today's post has to do with all the blog titles I thought up on today's run. Some were...

These Legs!
The Whole Story
This Body!
What Does 6+1 Equal?

I could go on and on but I won't waste more of your time. I ran 7 miles today. I haven't exercised with any regularity since Christmas Eve. And today's was a glorious, redemptive, heart-wide-open run. I knew it would be, I was ready. I have so much more to say about everything and I want to start writing about it. It's hard to write when you are not ready to tell the whole story.

I know I'm all over the place here but bear with me, I'll get to it and I hope it all comes together in the end. Because if it doesn't come together, it's not the end.

I'll close with a status report...

Weight: Somewhere above 145. After my run this morning it was 146 point something.
Exercise: Sketchy, inconsistent, but still happening. Today's run was a re-commitment to something more regular.
Eating: Sketchy, inconsistent, but still happening. Am I trying to be funny? Not so much really. It's been decidedly not eating in a way that supports my goals. But it hasn't been an all out Bacchanalia either. Well, sometimes it was. Like that meal in Vegas that included 9 scoops of various ice creams, gelato and granitas and two dessert plus four pieces of chocolate with the bill. And that was only the desserts. Of course we didn't actually eat all that food, but ok, the point is, occasional Bacchanalia. I wish it were all fancy Vegas fare but some of it has been fast food and candy bars, the poor man's Bacchanalia. Whatever, what's done is done..move on...start here, now.
Confidence/Faith/Motivation: Mediocre, and why shouldn't it be, given the above? I have to be careful, I can dive into woe is me sometimes and that line of thinking just does not HELP the situation. It hurts. So again, the redemption of running. It has and will save me. Again. No, I will save myself.
WW: I'm going to meetings most weeks. I'm over my maintenance weight at the moment but hope to get back under it within a week or two. And then continue my path back down below 145. 

Ok, I'm done. I plan to write again tomorrow, and the day after that. I need to write, I want to write.

I sincerely hope all my regular (and new - welcome!) readers are doing well. Don't give up, never give up. You might get knocked down, but get back up again sister!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

In the Holiday Groove...and Two Year Goal-iversary!

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Thanksgiving was wonderful and I'm glad it's past. I'm really happy with how the past week has gone. I'll start with exercise, since that's been a huge part of what's kept me focused. I think a quick list is the best way to go. I'll start with the day before Thanksgiving...

Wednesday: 3 mile run (including the big hill) and weight lifting legs/shoulders/core
Thursday: rest
Friday: 25 minutes upright bike, weight lifting back/biceps/core

Saturday I went on a monster hike. It was only 4 miles but a lot of those were spent on serious uphill. The terrain was a bit rocky too, which added to the amount of "work" I was doing.

Sunday: rest
Monday: 3 mile run...wait for it, at 9:23 pace!, oh yeah!! I didn't run the hill though, because my calves were sore from the hike. I hope to run it this coming Thursday. After the run I did weight lifting chest/triceps/core.

So that's exercise...food-wise it's been an interesting week. Somewhat feast and famine. Well, not famine of course because I don't do that but more feast and clean eating.

Thursday I ate with abandon. I gave myself unmitigated freedom to eat and drink without expectation. I was mindful though. For example, at breakfast I had oatmeal, fruit and two hard-boiled egg whites. I considered adding sugar and cream to my oatmeal (because that's how I like it) but skipped it to balance out the later eating. At lunch I ate traditional Thanksgiving food with all the trimmings...and then the same at dinner except to add alcohol.

One good thing is my appetite. I can't physically eat as much as I could in my previous life so even if I go "all out" on the eating, I can only take that so far without inducing a painfully full feeling, which I don't like. But I never really stopped eating...meal, graze, meal, graze... I'm sure I managed to eat a ton of calories. For tracking I just wiped out the days' Points plus all my weeklies and called it close enough.

Friday morning came and I reminded myself of my Holiday plan. Eat whatever/how much I want on the day of the holiday, get right back to routine the day/s after. I also had a feeling of wanting to eat clean. I could feel my body processing all the food and drink from the day before. 

Yesterday's lunch - black beans and 1/4 avocado
Things cruised along like that all weekend, clean eating, feeling good. After work yesterday though we took the kids to get a Christmas tree, which meant home for dinner later than usual. I was starving and made the kids a quick grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. I ended up eating half of one of theirs while I cooked myself a different meal. Man are they Pointy! And then, after dinner, the leftover pumpkin pie and whipped cream in the fridge got my attention.

So I had my first T-day leftovers, a slice of pie with whipped cream. I was mindful while eating it, enjoying every bite, and made a plan to put the rest down the disposal when I was done. Yesterday was four days after the holiday and there's no reason to keep leftovers any longer. Oh, and earlier in the evening I'd happened upon an open bag of Cheetos Puffs my mom had brought over. I had two of those and quickly dumped the rest before I lost my resolve. Oh, and I had a pumpkin bar the kids had baked last week too. So yesterday was a high Point day (52), pretty much wiping out all the hiking Points I'd earned and leaving me two points in the red for the week. But I'll earn four at the gym today so I'll be fine.

The kids with our tree
So the holidays are in full swing. Like I said, we got a tree. Did some decorating last night but still more to go. Getting the tree put an excitement in the air for the kids. Now just to keep up with the clean eating even with all the treats around. I got on the scale this morning to see if my weight confirmed what I knew, that I'd been eating and exercising enough to lose weight. I saw 145.8 - super happy to see that 145 number again. I'm very close to being back at my goal weight, which feels great! I'm so super, happy, thrilled, glad, relieved, etc that I got things under control before the holidays even began.

Oh, that reminds me! I completely forgot that my goal-iversary passed. On November 9th, 2012 I reached my goal weight of 145 pounds. It had taken me 5 years, 8 months and 25 days to get there. Just another reason I'm happy to be back on track. Noting the anniversary at a time when I am working hard to be a maintainer felt great!

Well, that's all I have for now. I hope you're feeling back in the swing after Thanksgiving. In case you're still struggling, let me remind you, it feels really good to be on track. Start now, start with your next meal, and before long, you'll remember why you feel so much better when you're living in a way that aligns with your goals.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

8 Muddy Miles (and then some)

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I am on a roll. It feels so good to be in this place, how I wish I could always be motivated and inspired as I am now. Haven't figured that out yet, but that's ok, I'm just happy to be here now.

A map of my long run
On Friday night I went to bed, feeling good about my plan to do a long run on Saturday morning. But when I woke up and saw the overcast sky, the wind...it looked cold! So I told myself to just pick a spot and start running, if I was miserable, I could do a quick run and be done. I chose a spot near some wetlands preserves and headed out. Before long I was running up a hill. Down the other side and then the rest of the run was flat.

Note to self, when running in a wetlands area after rain, expect mud. Miles 4 and 5 were especially muddy, I almost slipped a couple times even and my shoes were soaked when there was no avoiding stepping in puddles. I listened to Pandora (for the first time on a run), Rihanna station. I only know a couple of her songs and don't regularly listen to that genre of dance-pop/hip hop/house-type music so almost all the songs were new to me. That turned out to be an unexpected source of fun, really kept me entertained and I didn't hate any of the songs, even the Nicki Minaj one (I only know it was a Minaj song because she kept saying her own name in the song). A lot of female empowerment stuff too, which I particularly liked.

Anyway, the weather was gorgeous, a bit breezy at times but that balanced nicely with the warm sun, and I just cruised along, happy to know I would run the 8 miles I'd hoped for.


As you can see I averaged an 11:44 pace but I wasn't paying attention to my speed. I just wanted to enjoy the run, and I did.

Happy post-run smile

Muddy calves, muddy socks, muddy shoes

Sunday was a rest day. Unfortunately it was also an eat-too-much-junk day. I didn't plan well and ended up having lunch at a kids' party - pizza and cake. That wouldn't have been so bad - I had one slice of cheese pizza and a very small piece of cake - but coupled with some evening snacking, I got into a hole with my Points (even with the 16 APs I'd earned the day before).

But I woke up on Monday determined not to use the slip as an excuse to stay down. I knew I wouldn't get out of the hole by Wednesday but I didn't want to dig an even deeper one. So I stuck to my daily Points both yesterday and today. And I exercised.

On Monday I went for a run around my gym, including a big hill. I used to run this big hill route when I didn't have enough time to run 3 miles. But I've run it a couple times now as part of a 3-mile route and I think it's gotten a tiny bit easier. Still, it's a big friggin' hill!


But what really got me excited was how fast I ran that last mile. While running down the other side of the hill I thought, "Wow, I'm really moving, what if I try to keep this up when I'm back on flat ground?" So that's what I did. I just kept going with long strides, pushing hard, running! 9:16, roughly 6.5mph. I was running that pace back in the spring, but since the surgery, not really. It felt good. And fast.

After the run I did back/biceps core. I ate a healthy dinner and got to bed at a reasonable hour. No evening snacking. Win! Today started with me getting my period. I've been off-and-on crampy for at least a week so it was about time. My cycle is so unpredictable these days. But at least I'm not having hot flashes at the moment. And, by the way, I have a stellar excuse if I'm up at tomorrow's weigh-in. Not that I need an excuse. No, not me, never.

On to today... I went to the gym after work and rode the upright bike for 25 minutes. I'm back to being able to push myself without it being painful, which is nice. I did chest/triceps/core after the bike, was there for an hour. I left the gym feeling on. my. game.

So there you have it. Weigh-in is tomorrow. Thanksgiving follows. I'll take whatever the scale says in stride, and then eat to my heart's (and stomach's) content on Thursday, and then get back in the groove on Friday. Sounds like a good plan, right?