Monday, May 5, 2008

Food Demons Don't Die

Picking up on something I mentioned in my last post. The last few days I've been overeating and then regretting it. Funny how you think you finally have the upper hand with your food demons and then wham! Back in your face.

Our office moved into a new building today (yay! i'll post pics of my lovely new cube soon) so, to add to the two meals at which I overate this weekend, today I had to face free office meals. I made good choices at the breakfast spread, avoiding the bagels and sticking with fruit since I already ate my cereal at home.

The pizza/salad lunch was not on the plan but I felt okay about eating two pieces of veggie pizza and salad. But the little individual chocolate bowl was KILLING ME!! I must have eaten at least 10 of them. You know the individual Hershey's with almonds and toffee? And then back to the kitchen for a third slice of pizza. Gahhhh!!! More chocolate after that and I am feeling very out of control.

The work day is usually a safe haven from food temptations for me. I rarely go out to lunch and we rarely have free meals delivered. It's normally the evening in which I have to face these dilemmas. Anyway, after eating all that crap I wasn't feeling so motivated to go to the gym. You'd think it'd be the other way around and I'd be saying, "Wow, I ate too much, I need to hit the gym!" But noooo, I overeat and want to pass on the gym.

Today was supposed to be the gym followed by the pool. I skipped the gym but mustered the strength to go to the pool. Honestly, after what Jean did for me letting me swim I didn't want to flake. I went to the pool and put in some laps. A mile altogether. I felt very disorganized with my stroke, I felt low in the water and just a mess. I had considered going to the gym afterward but when I left the pool at 7:45 I realized it wasn't worth killing myself to get to the gym. I mean I'm not a friggin' Olympian.

So on the way to the pool I made a plan to eat only fruit and veggies for dinner to try and compensate. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I question decisions like this one. Am I restricting my food unrealistically? Or am I just balancing out a very high calorie day. I'm hoping it's the latter. Oh, and my Points? I just wiped out the day, which is 23 points, even though I know I ate more than that. But I have no WPAs left. Sometimes you just gotta move on.

Wanna see my salad? It was mixed baby greens with mushrooms, beats, tomatoes and my favorite salad dressing, Newman's Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette (only 1 Point for 2 Tablespoons, which is almost always more than enough). It was very yummy. I ate an apple while I prepared the salad and I'm heading off for bed in a bit.

As they say, tomorrow is another day. The chocolate bowl will still be there. It's a damn big bowl and despite my best effort I didn't empty it. I will not eat any of that chocolate tomorrow. Do you hear me Michelle? I will not eat that chocolate. I will not.


  1. This was the hardest part of the whole weight loss process for me. I fell back into old habits so easily. I still do if I'm not constantly on guard. The only thing I can offer is that the more you work at battling the demons, the more you become aware before the food hits your mouth and the easier it is to stop it. I think it's kind of like being an alcoholic, you constantly have to be careful.

  2. Ugh, I know all about days like that. I am inclined to think that it's balancing out a high-cal day by having a nice, big salad for dinner. Also, you're writing about it and holding yourself accountable. We can't be perfect all the time. Chalk it up to a rough day, and move on back to the Michelle who is training for a triathalon! :) You're still doing great, rough day or no. As long as you get back on track and tick one on the wall for experience's sake, no harm, no foul! *hugs*

  3. How'd ya do today, Michelle? I was thinking maybe having some WW treats on hand at the office might help, but it's probably too late for that. Good for you for at least swimming! Oh, btw, I was showing my friend's daughter your blog and you know what she said about your arm in that winery pic? "Look how toned her arm is!!!" I swear to God, and with no prompting by me. It's the first thing she said.

  4. "I made a plan to eat only fruit and veggies for dinner to try and compensate. [...] I question decisions like this one. Am I restricting my food unrealistically? Or am I just balancing out a very high calorie day."

    That's a very interesting question. If I blow a meal, I prefer to just eat what I had planned for the next meal, even if it results in a bigger total for the day. The reason is that my aim is to re-establish the pattern that was broken rather than dwell on the slip. But I think it varies from person to person, and the answer depends on how you felt post-salad. Deprived or happy to get back on track?


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