Monday, July 4, 2011

Wow, I'm Fat. But I'm having fun anyway!

Last time I wrote I was in a major funk. Still not sure exactly what that was about but the good news is I'm over it. On Saturday I took the kids to playgroup and had a nice time at the park. Afterward I put them down for a nap and went to the gym. I started Week 2 of c25k and it was definitely harder. Six intervals of 90 seconds jogging and 2 minutes walking. By the last interval I was happy to be wrapping up. Due up for weight training were back and biceps and I generally enjoyed that. Back extensions have gotten noticeably better since I started. I added one set of calf raises because my calfs are weak and my legs were too fried to do them on Thursday. I left the gym feeling spiffy!

On Sunday Miguel went to play soccer and I had a good time with the kids at home. When Miguel got home we loaded up the kids and headed for Limantour Beach. We got a bit lost but made it there eventually. We had a ton of stuff, trekked it all to the beach and found our spot. It was so fun! Marek was having a blast playing in the water and Myra even got to play a bit for her first taste of the ocean. Here are some pictures of Miguel, the kids, and I, having fun in the sun!

My angel Myra showing mom some love :)

Miguel and Marek playing in the ocean. At one point Marek fell face first in the water and he jumped up and yelled, "Run, daddy, run!" So cute!!

And finally, my two angels and I.

As much as I love my little pumpkins looking at these pictures was not my idea of fun. I wrote once about not putting up Fat Pictures of yourself for motivation. My point at the time was to focus on where you are going, not what you are afraid of. But these pictures made a strong argument for some fear based motivation! I think I might have done too good a job of internalizing the fit, thin Michelle because these photos were an eye opener. I am fat! At 194.5 pounds that probably should be no surprise to me but I guess I've just been feeling the fitness mojo so intensely lately that I got to thinking I was in good shape. Ha! Ok, maybe I'm in decent shape but there's no arguing with me being fat.

On one level it bothers me because, well, I don't like looking so tubby. But on another level I'm ok with it, mostly because I'm doing something about it and I know it will change in time. I just wish in time meant, like, tomorrow. Or I'd settle for next month even. But losing 40+ pounds isn't going to happen overnight so I'd better just move on. I am tempted to put one of these pictures (or one of the worse ones I'm not even sharing!) up on the fridge to motivate myself but I still generally agree with what I said back then (which, incidentally, was exactly two years ago today - weird). I believe positive motivation is the way to go, focus on what I want, where I am going. I guess looks aren't a big part of that really but a good by-product in any case.

The good thing is I'm not letting being overweight right now stop me from getting out there and living life. When summer was approaching, and before I got back on the wagon, I briefly thought about avoiding water (and, hence, swimsuits) altogether. But I quickly realized that wasn't fair to the kids. Why should they miss out because mom ate too many cupcakes? But I am looking forward to next summer when I know I'll feel much better about the summer clothes.

Onwards! When we got home from the beach I showered and changed into my gym clothes. Miguel 'bout fell out of his chair in disbelief. It was a mix of not believing I was going to the gym after a day at the beach and his not wanting to fix the kids dinner by himself. But no, I had to go. He was about as supportive as he could be given the circumstances. So at the gym I did a 5 minute warm-up on the treadmill and then the upright bike for 25 minutes, still on level 2. I think I'll go up to level 3 when my heart rate stays under 150 the whole time. We'll see. I had a great chat with Glenn, the guy that works at the gym, about some of the mental stuff related to food, compulsive behavior, etc. And he was telling me about some of his recent rides. I love that sort of talk, so inspiring. Then I did chest and triceps with core work. I upped my plank to 40 seconds! It was hard. It's going to be a while before I add more time. I finished up and arrived home feeling fantastic! More than ever in my life I am feeling the mental boost that comes from exercise.

So today is 4th of July and we did our annual walk in the parade with my mother's club. Why not another picture? Myra is sort of hidden in the baby carrier (and looking the other way) but she's there.

I'll only half-refrain from more fat comments. It was a nice day and thankfully I didn't feel like the heat was killing me. I sound like a broken record but again, I was happy I started working out because I think if I'd done this a month ago the heat and all the walking would not have been fun. But today I really enjoyed myself. If you've got little ones I highly recommend checking out your local mother's club (if you're lucky enough to have one). I have met some incredible women and the club keeps us busy and having fun. Besides, I'd probably be nuts right now if I didn't have these moms to tell me they are crazy too. Not sure that made a lot of sense but let's just go with it.

After the gym we got together with some friends. Our neighbor rented a giant blow up water slide and they had a bunch of kiddie pools - we all had so much fun. The few glasses of wine helped. My life is so different now, so full and enjoyable. I sometimes look at my children and think about how different their lives are than mine was at this age. Raising my children in a loving household is incredibly healing. I know it's not my childhood but watching theirs goes a long way in helping me forget my own. But that kind of talk is for another blog.

So no gym today, which is a bummer. I thought about taking an evening walk and then using free weights to do my weight training. Today would be legs and shoulders so really that would have been easy since I don't use any machines for those. But, ultimately I decided my body could probably use the rest after such an active weekend (and wine!) and not to push it.

Well, there you have it. Thank you to all my peeps who congratulated me on the pound loss. It really is a good showing. I was thinking about when I used to go to WW and how a loss of a full pound (or more) was so rewarding (as opposed to .4, etc). I am happy. Don't know what was going on in my head on Friday but I'm over it. I'll take a pound any day of the week and be happy with it! Happy Independence Day everyone, hope you enjoyed it!!


  1. I really really loved this post. Personally I don't actually think you look too fat in your pictures - you actually have very strong looking legs (if I may say so) and actually look "strong" not flabby (I don't know if that makes sense)...and putting up your pictures shows the start of this part of your journey...and my goodness you have two adorable, happy looking kids, I'm so pleased for you. Keep up the journey and focus on the "feel-goods/workout positives"...minimise the scale journeys as I'm sure your body will shift around adding muscle too....!! Have a great week!

  2. I've currently have about 20 pounds more than you on my frame. It is definitely a disconcerting feeling when I really see myself somewhere. Sometimes it is a glance that I get when I am walking past a window somewhere. The other day it happened in the gym while at a class. I looked across the room and thought, "Wow, that's me! (Not in a good way :P ) That is how everyone else sees me." (I see myself as smaller than I really am :P )

    I agree with cherelli. I didn't look at the pictures and think you looked fat at all, 'strong' is a good adjective. While I know how you are feeling, I am looking forward to looking like you do some day :)

  3. I'm glad you got out there for your kids, and I hope it's really for you, too.

    There are some days that we're just too "something" to get out there and do anything. Getting out there is half the battle, if it is a battle.

    I loved the pictures!

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  5. Loved the fun you guys had all weekend..and getting over the "I'm too fat thinking. I can't believe either that you went to, or even wanted to, go to the gym afterwards. You geet the Dedication Award this week!


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