Monday, January 23, 2012

Guilt vs. Sleep

There's something about routine that's just nice to fall into.  I started this morning with my standby work breakfast - a bowl of grape nuts and coffee.  I spent the whole morning on the road so I snacked from my "emergency food", a clif bar I keep wrapped up in my bag.  I take a few bites from it and call it a snack.  Fortunately I made it back to the office in time for lunch.  We have a cafeteria but it only serves lunch from 12-1pm.  I had my standard large salad with a small scoop of mac-and-cheese and a few pieces of eggplant ravioli.  That's a typical lunch for me.  I always eat a salad and choose a hot item from whatever their serving.  I generally try to make good choices, though, like today, that's not always possible.  I figure as long as I use good portion control it doesn't much matter what I eat.  And since it's being dished up for me (and I don't go back for seconds) it's sort of easy to limit portion size.

In the afternoon I was stuck at my desk all day so I went back to my clif bar for a few more bites for a snack.  I went to the gym after work.  I was planning to take a rest day today but changed my mind.  I'll spare you the thought process that led to that decision.  It wasn't easy though, I had to miss dinner with Miguel and the kids and I hate missing dinner.  But it was the only time I could go.  I won't lie and tell you I'm convinced that it's worth it.  I just don't know.  More on that in a bit.

At the gym I rode the bike for 25 minutes and it felt better than it has in weeks, if not a month.  I don't know why the bike was getting so hard but today was a refreshing easy ride.  Maybe it's because I did a little less running last week (remember, I only did 2 miles instead of 5 on Thursday).  Or maybe it was the food overload and lack of exercise this weekend, could I still be getting extra juice from all those calories and rest?  I don't know but I liked it.  I was starting to dread the bike a bit, and I'm not good at dreading. 

Next I did chest/triceps/core for strength training.  First up were pushups.  I was ready to try for 4 "real" pushups (instead of the 3 I'd been doing) per set.  I hyped myself up and dropped and did 4 pushups, followed by 4 modified ones on the smith machine bar.  Wow!  And I was able to do all three sets like that.  One step closer to my dream of three sets of 8 real pushups.

I pulled into my driveway and wondered what I missed while I was gone.  How did dinner go?  Were the kids in a good mood?  Did I miss something funny?  Did they miss me?  I wondered if some day they'll scream at me in a teenage rage, "All you ever cared about is going to the gym!!  You never care about me!!"  I know it sounds melodramatic but that's how it feels in my heart sometimes.  Missing dinner with my kids is no easy decision.  Maybe these feelings will motivate me to get up at 5am some mornings.  Or maybe not.  I'm don't have a shred of morning person in me and those 5am wake-ups are painful.  I'm only human after all.  I guess this kind of internal struggle is par for the course for a working mom who's trying to fit in some serious fitness too.


  1. I am not a morning person either, but it is the only time I can work out - But I haven't gotten up earlier than 5:30 and I only have to stumble downstairs. My 2 and 5 year olds just suck the life of out me emotionally in the evening, so I have zero energy or desire to work out in the evenings. But the downfall is I only can work out for 45-60 minutes, hence why I've only done cardio lately.

  2. I used to be more of a morning person, but not so anymore. I'm a stay at home mom, so I try to workout once my little one goes to preschool. That's about 9 or so. It seems to be good for me. I have worked out in the evening every once in a while, but by evening, I'm exhausted and I don't have much energy left.

  3. I totally understand your torn feelings. This is always a struggle though a supportive husband helps. My husband wants me to be healthy and feel good about myself. I miss dinner with my guys 2 nights a week because I work nights. I've been doing this since before my son was born. I miss a few hours of time with him on those nights but on the flip side I am home with him every day. Yet I still feel guilty about not being there and he's in excellent hands with his Dad. Mommy guilt is unavoidable I think.

    I love that you can make a Clif bar last all day. I wish I could!


If you don't want to login, use the Name/URL option (just type in your name...or any name for that matter). If you use the "Anonymous" option your comment won't get posted. - Michelle