Thursday, May 24, 2012

A Mini Rebellion

Oh boy, things have gone from bad to worse in the food department.  I've had this rebellion thing going on the past few days.  I don't know if it's related to being sick or what but my eating has almost been angry, if that's possible.  The icing on the cake was last night.  I went to book club and despite already eating dinner (albeit a small one), I ordered and ate a cheese quesadilla with guacamole, two beers and part of someone else's dessert.  On the way home I bought, and ate, a snickers bar.  Talk about old behavior.  But you know what?  In some strange way I feel like I needed last night to kick my butt out of this state of, "I don't give a crap" mind.  And I think it worked.  I woke up feeling, not guilty, not regretful, but with a new feeling of motivation to get back on track.  I've been searching for this feeling for a couple weeks now I think.  And the snickers helped me get here (I think).  Weird.

Anyway, I read a bit of the Beck book last night and I'm going to make a few response cards today.  I've been reading The End of Overeating and it's all about how modern, processed food has turned our brains into mush and left us with uncontrollable eating habits.  I think the book has been bad for me in that I end up feeling powerless, like I have no choice, no control over what I do food-wise.  I made a decision to stop reading this book - or at least to jump to the final chapters in which the author, I hope, tells us how to re-train our brain.  I've been doing all this mental work on convincing myself that I'm in control, that I make the choice, that I have the power - and then I read this book that keeps hammering how our food and eating habits have become like that of a crack addict.  Not helpful. 

Ok, so enough blaming the being sick, or the book.  I'm back in the driver's seat here.  I expect to be up some this week but hopefully not by much.  I comforted myself this morning by saying, "even if you're up 2 or 4 pounds, it doesn't matter, all is not lost, pick up and move forward."  My 233.8 pound self would laugh at such a small setback.  Carry on Michelle!, she'd say. 

So I'm going to the gym today and I know I'm going to love it.  I plan to run and then do strength training. 

Before I close I want to share a picture of my lovely friend (and neighbor) Karen and I.  Karen is moving to Arizona, she's leaving the 'hood this weekend.  It's been so nice to have a friend that lives so close and I'm going to miss her and her beautiful son Kingston (and you too Nestor!).  I sure hope she comes back in three years like she's supposed to.  Karen actually gifted me the dress I'm wearing in this picture. 

I'll miss you Karen.  Remember, 3 years!

1 comment:

  1. I do love how you form an image of your previous self laughing at your present self and shouting encouragement!


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