Friday, November 15, 2013

Slightly Astray

Welllll, the week isn't exactly wrapping up like I'd hoped. I planned to exercise yesterday and today but neither happened. Yesterday turned out to be busier than I expected and by the time the workday was done it was time to get ready for a dinner out with friends. I was planning to wear a dress but just didn't have that dress feeling - probably because it's TTOTM and I'm all bloaty - so wore jeans and a blouse with a blazer. I love blazers, I never felt cute in them before losing weight but now they're a fall staple.

Dinner was interesting in that I had quite a few drinks and didn't feel under the influence. I think that means I've been drinking too much lately. I had 2 glasses of champagne, a glass of wine and most of a small glass of port and didn't feel even slightly buzzy. My dinner eating behavior was good. I was in wonderful company and I think that kept me distracted from the food. Even the yummy desserts we all shared didn't lead me to overeat. Alcohol + restaurant food usually = an overfull feeling but not this time.

Had I not had the alcohol at dinner I might have been tempted into a late night run. Or not. I woke up this morning with a scheme to get to the gym after work. Didn't happen. I was tired and dragging come late afternoon and didn't have the mindset to get myself there. Danger, Michelle...this is not the way. Tomorrow is Saturday, typically a rest day, but I'd like to get some exercise, and just might, depending on how the day plays out.

Sunday I have plans to go to brunch and wine tasting with my fabulous mommy friends. That's going to involve some calories for sure so if I get a run or something in tomorrow that would be good. And tonight I might've had the remainder of Miguel's birthday cake from Wednesday. That was after having leftovers from last night's meal for dinner tonight. Leftover Friday I guess. A nice wallop of calories there too.

So, as you can imagine, my gusto is a little busto at the moment, but two steps forward and one step back will get me there eventually. Thank you for all the support of late on my blog and on my FB page. It's been great and much appreciated.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

What I Know Is True

This week is getting better with each passing day. As you know, I've mentioned that I'm currently navigating some difficult personal issues and that hasn't let up. The stress from that reached a bit of a psychological peak on Sunday/Monday and since then I've had a bit of mental relief. Just easing up on myself, taking off some of the pressure and self-criticism in which I'd been wallowing around. That, coupled with a return to exercise has me feeling significantly better about myself, about my life and about the future. Not to mention the here-and-now.

So Monday, after lazing around all morning in said wallowing, I finally got myself out for a run. It was either that or leap off the closest tall building. The run seemed like the better choice. I had my Garmin on but I purposefully decided to not look at it. Just run. Run like the wind, run fierce and strong, breathe deep and hard, run painfully, outrun the pain, outrun the anguish. In the end I ran 3 miles in just over 27 minutes. Then I went to the gym and lifted weights. I'm still doing this modified full body workout while I get my muscles used to moving again.

After the workout I felt better. I had a bit of a drive ahead of me and it was late, 2pm, and I was starving. I pulled into a strip mall for a late lunch and saw two choices pop out - Quiznos or Chinese food takeout. Ohhh, Chinese food. I was about to go there and get some (I'm sure) awful food like sesame chicken, fried rice, and slathered-in-oil veggies when a thought popped into my head, "you'll feel WAY better if you eat something healthy." That was enough to get me into Quiznos and order a turkey flatbread for 470 calories. Before I even ate the food I felt better about myself, knowing I was making a choice that was in my own best interest, that said, "I care about myself, I matter enough."

That said, I was still deep in psychological angst and stayed in a dark place the rest of the day. Which is ok. Feelings are feelings and I can feel them and still be ok. I don't remember what I had for dinner, and how much/if there was snacking, etc. But I'm focusing on my exercising right now and being patient with the eating/food falling into place. So whatever happened, happened.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I got myself to that WW meeting I'd promised to get to. And it was great. Simply being around others on this journey is inspiring. Seeing a woman who has 100+ pounds of weight to lose celebrating hitting her 40 pound lost mark was a big reminder of where I've been and what I'm doing. Something unexpected happened. I found out that for every year of maintaining you get recognized in the meeting. If you weigh in 10 out of the 12 months at goal weight you get another key.

Lifetime key has a new buddy, 1 year key.
So I added it to my keyring right next to my Lifetime key. I plan to collect a whole slew of these things. I didn't realize it but I was sitting next to a woman who was also celebrating her first year of maintenance. So we both said a few words about what's helped us (hers was going to meetings, mine was that plus never forgetting how much I want this). It was just what I needed.

That day at lunch I had what I'd consider a normal sized lunch but for whatever reason felt really full. For the first time in a while I had that, "I feel fat" feeling. So I sent a text to a friend for support, "You are not fat, In fact, you're that skinny woman that everyone hates because you're so skinny." I laughed out loud. Ok, that helped. Thanks Stacy! I sure hope that's not true, by the way, but the thought just made me smile, which is what I needed.

I went to a meeting in the late afternoon and darnit if they didn't have lemon cream pie. Probably my all-time favorite pie. So I had a big piece. And also sampled the chocolate cream cheese frosting cake. Ugh. But you know what? It's ok. Focus on the exercise, the food will fall into place. That's what has always happened, what I know is true. Just keep doing what works.

So after work I hit the gym with a plan to ride the upright bike. But a spin class was about to start when I got there so I hustled into change and got a bike. I could only stay in the class for 45 minutes but that was awesome! I was sweating like crazy and my heart got a real workout. Then I went and did just a few weights because my body is still adjusting and is sore. I left the gym feeling about as spiffy as a new car, with an extra dose of gratitude that the darkness is lifting.

Today is Miguel's 40th birthday. I'm heading out now to get a cake, etc, and my mom is making dinner. We're going to have a small celebration with the kids after he gets off work. They are very excited about his birthday, which is so sweet. Children are a gift, they shine such a light on all that is right in the world. I am grateful for their health and love and light. And also grateful they have an amazing dad. They are so lucky to have him. Happy Birthday Miguel!

Ok, that's all I have. Today is a rest day, back at the exercise tomorrow. One last thing - I got a haircut on Friday. A little shorter than usual and I love it!!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

The Comeback

Holiday weekends are just lovely. You get to fill in all the weekend stuff, and then there's an extra day. Bonus! On Friday I hit the gym after work and did 25 minutes on the upright bike. I did level 8 but at one point had to drop down the resistance for a minute. Normally I'd die before dropping down the resistance but being I haven't had a regular exercise pattern of late, I made an exception. And my ego is still in fine shape.

After the bike I did a full round of body weight exercises. This time I focused a bit more on my back and PT exercises. My shoulder is finally starting to ease up on the pain front. In the bad news department, I'm still struggling a bit with afternoon fatigue. It would probably help if I got a bit more sleep.

Saturday was a lazy day. I lounged around all morning and in the afternoon did a little wine tasting with a friend before doing a bit of shopping. I need an outfit for my upcoming secret-fun-news so I bought a few things. I might post some of the outfits on FB and see what you guys think. Then it was off to dinner with Miguel and the kids, where I ate way too many chips and made a not-so-healthy dinner choice (a beef taco and a chicken enchilada, if you must know). Oh, and I might have also had a couple margaritas. Look for the scale to be inching up.

Today, Sunday, I managed to get out for a nice hike on Mt Hamilton. The hike was about 2 hours in all, mostly climbing on the way in, downhill on the way out. The weather was typical Bay Area fall - clear, sunny with just a touch of crisp coolness in the air. I couldn't find my Garmin before I left so I can't post the route to show elevation change. I was tempted to run at various points but decided to just take it easy, easing my body back into full blown exercise mode. Besides, mentally, it was nice to take a more leisurely pace.

That's all I got. My eating (and drinking) remains in the fair to poor range but it's not as abysmal as it was. More importantly, my healthy-lifestyle confidence is edging back up. Maintenance is all about the comeback. Heck, this whole journey is all about the comeback. And baby, I'm coming back!