Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Meltdown, breakdown, down, down, down...

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Yes, I did it. The classic thing everyone warns you very specifically not to do. What did I do? Too much, too soon. The thing is, I was feeling so good last week. I was in a bit of pain but mostly I felt like I could go about my normal day. Sure, no running or weight lifting - well, there was that tiny little gym visit in which I lifted tiny little weights that I should not have lifted NO MATTER HOW TINY - but mainly I was doing everyday stuff, that, looking back, I shouldn't have been doing. Stuff like draining the pot of pasta water and organizing stuff and shopping for Easter outfits and strolling around and just too damn much stuff. 

So what happened? I crashed. Saturday evening I felt so tired I barely made it to 8pm before I was in bed. And then Sunday morning it hit hard, I was physically and emotionally wiped out. I couldn't drag myself out of bed. We had a family Easter party to attend and I couldn't muster the strength to get myself ready, let alone the kids. I was feeling tired, sad and weepy. I literally pulled the covers over my head and shed a few tears.

Fortunately Miguel saved the day and got everything ready so all I had to do was get in the car. Not to mention my mom had given us the wrong start time and we actually had an extra half-hour, that helped too. But I'd learned my lesson. At the party I sat for half of it, watching the egg hunt and letting Miguel and my mom fix my and the kids' plates of food, and then reclined on the couch for the other half. I'm happy I didn't miss the party, it was very touch-and-go that morning. I've got a couple pics to share.

Always a family

My two babies
And I've been lying low since. I can feel it more clearly now that my body needs rest. I'm not lifting anything if I can avoid it and I'm getting lots of sleep. I started back to work on Monday and I knew I wasn't ready for a full day. So I called my boss and said I'd be doing what I can this week, probably half days all week. 

Unfortunately my first couple days back to work included a whirlwind of emergencies that were awaiting me, but I was able to at least physically take it easy, if not mentally. Oh, and I'm still coughing. So I went to the doctor, who said I've likely got a chronic lung inflammation and prescribed a round of steroids and a twice-a-day corticosteroid inhaler as well as a round of antibiotics in case I have a bacterial thing (because I've been waking up feverish at night). Whew, that's a lot.

So I know steroids can make you moody and I'm in no place for moody. I've taken the decision to do the antibiotics and start the steroids deal once I'm feeling a bit stronger. Not in the mood for any further breakdowns.

It's not all bad news around here though. The biggest good news is that I got the message and I'm resting as best I can and going to bed on time. After that, I'm continuing to heal nicely and the swelling has gotten considerably better, though still a ways to go. Finally, my eating is about as good as it gets - balanced, no binge behaviors, focused and connected to my goals. I'm paying attention to what I put into my mouth, to my hunger levels, and to what I truly want. Like I said, as good as it gets.


  1. I am sorry you are not feeling well. Rest up!

    1. Thanks! Resting a lot now and just trying to enjoy it.

  2. This is just a minor setback -I know you will be fine. It appears that psychologically you are in a good place. My blog site deals with psychological blocks that can affect our weight. See my site at

  3. I know it's tempting to hold off on the steroids for now because they *can* make you moody, but I wonder how much better you'd feel if you were able to breathe well...

    1. Good point! Thanks for the food for thought.

  4. Sorry to hear that you crashed...but I'm happy that it was simply a meltdown of exhaustion and weepiness and not something drastically bad with your recovery (medically wrong I mean!)

  5. Wow, sorry to hear the wall hit so hard! I'm glad you're taking the time now to recover, and I hope you're back to full health soon. :)


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