If I were a movie title, that would be it. At least for today.
If you've been following along then you know a few things. First, my life has been unusually stressful for, oh, just the past 1.5 years. Second, my weight has been creeping up over the past year, now to the low 150's. My official WW "goal weight" - for whatever that's worth, and I do think it's worth something - is 147 pounds. Finally, I have been, lately anyway, hoping/praying/fantasizing that I could pull this eating thing together in some natural/organic/free-range sort of way that would NOT involve tracking.
And now is the time to acknowledge that, for today, this week, this month...I need more than hope and nature...I need Weight Watchers. And thank goodness the company exists because at least I have somewhere to go when I need it.
Last week I looked up meetings and found one that could fit my schedule on a weekly basis. It's a lunchtime meeting and the bonus is, it's led by Sandy (and Stan is the receptionist). Sandy is a 14 year maintainer (who also happens to run the monthly Lifetimers meeting). Stan is a fellow runner. The two of them have great, supportive, we-know-what-it's-like attitudes. I walked in with zero shame, zero anything, to say I'm here, I'm over my goal weight by 6.4 pounds, 153.4 is my current weight. By the way, that weight puts me back into the overweight category according to the BMI. Can I say I was wearing jeans? At least they still fit.
All jokes aside, this is not an imaginary weight gain. I can feel it in my body, the way my clothes fit and in how I move. Mostly I feel it in my gut. Not my actual gut, but my spiritual one. Something is not right. I have ideas about the who/what/why of what's not right, but I don't need to figure that out to work on making changes.
It felt good to sit in that meeting. I bought the monthly pass and started tracking immediately. It felt good to track. It feels good to be doing something.