Sunday, June 19, 2016

Clearing Out the Funk

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Well, hello there. I won't attempt a catch-up post because it's been far too long. I'll just dive in to the here-and-now. Which brings with it some good, some bad, and some ugly. I'll start with the good, because, why not, right? I started a new job, which I'm really enjoying. It's a bit of a commute for me now, plus the work is more intense, busier, etc and while I'm adjusting to managing more than I was before, I'm happy to be learning a lot and working with great people. I might write more later about how this change has thrown off my routine and my hopes and plans to find a new one.

So that's the good. The bad is, I've gained some weight. About 20 pounds from my lowest weight, so I'm 159 or so right now. And my body fat percentage is up too, around 35%. Double ugh. This has been a slow-growing problem, no pun intended, probably over the past year or so. I've taken a few swings at addressing it but nothing seems to stick. Despite this, I feel good about the weight gain not being more than it is. Even in the face of a substantial regression all is not lost. I have been weighing myself fairly regularly and have not given up. If it's one thing I've learned on this journey it's that as long as you don't give up you haven't failed.

And what's the ugly? I guess I could say my thoughts. I have noticed so many unhelpful thoughts have crept into my thinking. Thoughts I worked hard to change. They haven't taken over, like I said all is not lost, but they are whispering to me and influencing me way more than is good for me. I could speculate a bunch on why, but I believe my mental energy is put to better use by figuring out how to tackle the problem than by wondering where it came from. And I've decided that part of tackling it is to write. I think writing helps clear the funk out of my brain, so the good can flow. All this not-writing has led to a congestion of funk.

So here I am. And what else is happening? I go to a weekly WW meeting when I can, and I workout even less, maybe 2-3 times a month (really!? Yes, really). Though today something happened that hasn't happened in months. I had a bit of free time this morning and I felt the urge to go on a run. So before the funk had a chance to talk me out of it, I put on my running shoes and hit the road. I ran for 40 minutes at a comfortable pace. It wasn't easy because I'm not in great same shape, but I felt grateful to still be able to run what was probably at least a 5k.

West Side Story - great show!
And then it was a quick shower and change to head up Mount Tamalpais with a friend to see West Side Story at The Mountain Play.  We were lucky to be in the shade for most of the afternoon because it got pretty hot. I've been focusing on better eating so I packed a salad topped with veggies, beans and chicken breast to eat during the musical. I also brought fruit and had a glass of skinnygirl margarita that my girlfriend brought. 

This was my third Mountain Play, I'd previously seen Oklahoma! and The Wizard of Oz (the latter of which I blogged about back in 2008)...I just checked my weight to see what I was back then, and when I clicked on the weight log, the closest date was 6/5/2008 which linked to a blog post of mine, so I clicked on that and it's one of my all-time favorite posts, I'm Here! Wow, what a gift this feels like.

That post is all about how I thought I'd have to get to my goal weight before I realized my "goal" but that in reality, I had all the benefits I'd hoped to gain from losing weight - I was fit, I wore regular size clothes and, most important, I felt great. I'll say it again, wow, what a coincidence. I've had bouts of negative thoughts lately and this serves as a reminder that where I am is a damn good place to be in the grand scheme of the weight battle.

Ok, I'll close with a couple recent pictures and make a pledge that I hope to keep, which is to write more. I think I need it. I know I do.

The two best kids I know.
Oh boy, posting this picture just reminds me how fast they are growing. Myra just finished her first year of school,Transitional Kindergarten, and is starting Kindergarten in the fall. Marek will be starting 2nd grade. They are on a summer trip with their dad right now and I miss them terribly. Aren't those smiles the best?!

This picture is from a trip Mr M and I took to New England last month. If I had been motivated we would have done some epic hiking in these parts. It was a fun trip in a gorgeous part of the country and we had a lot of fun. But I don't want to live with a bunch of missed adventure opportunities. I'd better I want to get my body and my mind back in shape so that doesn't happen.